You won't find it here

Aku jatuh..
Kakiku kejepit di jembatan... luka.. lutut cedera.. bergeser...
Gara-gara ada ibu-ibu mundur tiba-tiba gak bilang-bilang, gak ngasih tanda-tanda.
Skarang aku susah jalan...

Kenapa ini yah?
Apa karna janjiku kemaren???

Skarang bapak udah mulai sadar... Udah bisa diri malah.
Tapi malah aku yg susah diri..
hehehehehe
Tapi gak apa lah...

Thank YOU!!

Bapak..
Bapak udah tua... udah penyakitan.. Dua taun kena stroke.. tapi masih tetap bisa bertahan.
Entah kenapa lah.. kemaren Bapak bisa sendirian di rumah. Malah ke kamar mandi... Awal dari bencana.
Bapak jatuh... tersungkur... kepala pecah.. berdarah.. luar dalam..
Tapi Bapak masih bangkit.. merangkak ke luar, biar bisa diliat sama tetangga...

Bapak...
Aku cuma mau bilang....
"Tunggu aku pak... Tunggu anakmu ini pulang....
jangan mati dulu....
Biarpun mungkin tak ada yg bisa kubawa....
Selain air mata... dan segunung penyesalan..
Aku minta maaf Pak... Tapi tunggu aku....
Aku bahkan rela menggadaikan nyawaku demi Bapak...
Tunggu aku pak...."

Deus meus Deus meus ut quid dereliquisti me?

Ntah kenapa...
Tiba tiba aja tanganku sakit...
Gak bisa ditekuk... apalagi ditekan...
Ada pertanda apa ini?

Sama orang batak .. ada yg namanya Gorat...
Suatu pertanda akan kejadian di tempat lain, yang menimpa orang-orang yang dekat dengan kita.
Dan selama ini aku sering mengalami yang seperti ini.
Tapi yg ini apa yah???

Think !!
Think again !!
Think again and again !!

See the world from a different view...

Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.

An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".

If you're heart is broken, sweep up the pieces.
There will always be someone who will want to put it back together.

Not everything takes longer than you expect.

The ABC rule:
If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C. B and C are often the same person.

The size of the pencil is not as important as the quality of the writing.
Corollaries: The quality of the writing is affected by the quality of the paper.
Regardless of how well one writes, it is difficult to write at all unless there is lead in the pencil.

"Close your eyes and begin to relax. Take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Concentrate on your breathing. With each breath you become more relaxed. Imagine a brilliant white light above you, focusing on this light as it flows through your body. Allow yourself to drift off as you fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind. Now as I count backward from ten to one, you will feel more peaceful, and calm. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. You will enter a safe place where nothing can harm you. Five. Four. Three. Two. If at any time you need to come back, all you must do is open your eyes. One."

The Spirit Carries On
Dream Theater - Scenes From A Memory

[Nicholas:]
Where did we come from?
Why are we here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
And what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?

They say, "Life is too short,"
"The here and the now"
And "You're only given one shot"
But could there be more,
Have I lived before,
Or could this be all that we've got?

If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

I used to be frightened of dying
I used to think death was the end
But that was before
I'm not scared anymore
I know that my soul will transcend

I may never find all the answers
I may never understand why
I may never prove
What I know to be true
But I know that I still have to try

If I die tomorrow
I'd be allright
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

[Victoria:]
"Move on, be brave
Don't weep at my grave
Because I am no longer here
But please never let
Your memory of me disappear"

[Nicholas:]
Safe in the light that surrounds me
Free of the fear and the pain
My questioning mind
Has helped me to find
The meaning in my life again
Victoria's real
I finally feel
At peace with the girl in my dreams
And now that I'm here
It's perfectly clear
I found out what all of this means

If I die tomorrow
I'd be allright
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

Looking through her eyes
Dream Theater - Scenes From A Memory

She never really had a chance
On that fateful moonlit night
Sacrificed without a fight
A victim of her circumstance

Now that I've become aware
And I've exposed this tragedy
A sadness grows inside of me
It all seems so unfair

I'm learning all about my life
By looking through her eyes

Just beyond the churchyard gates
Where the grass is overgrown
I saw the writing on her stone
I felt like I would suffocate

Inloving memory of our child
So innocent, eyes open wide
I felt so empty as I cried
Like part of me had died

I'm learning all about my life
By looking through her eyes

And as her image
Wandered through my head
I wept just like a baby
As I lay awake in bed

And I know what it's like
To lose someone you love
And this felt just the same

She wasn't given any choice
Desperation stole her voice
I've been given so much more in life
I've got a son, I've got a wife

I had to suffer one last time
To grieve for her and say goodbye
Relive the anguish of my past
To find out who I was at last

The door has opened wide
I'm turning with the tide
Looking through her eyes

Once again.. It's about the Dream Theater.. A new wave progressive rock band.
I really love this band. Dunno why. Maybe because all of their song is about a thin line of reality and imagination.
Mungkin juga karena komposisi lagu nya luar biasa bagus. Semuanya menyatu.. menjadi lagu.
Dan hebatnya.. satu album, seluruh lagunya merupakan satu kesatuan cerita, tapi tetap bisa berdiri sendiri terpisah. Bisa lah dijadikan filem. Pasti bagus.
Dan kalau diperhatikan lagi... semua albumnya mulai dari album pertama sampai album terakhir.. merupakan satu kesatuan cerita.. sambung menyambung...

Oke.. check this out guys...

Take Away My Pain
Dream Theater - (Falling Into Infinity)


I was sitting on the edge of his bed
Staring at the headlines on the paper
He said, "Look at poor Gene Kelly
I guess he won't be singing in the rain"
You can take away my heroes
Can you take away my pain

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride

Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door

She was standing by the edge of his bed
Staring at the message on their faces
He said, "What else can you do, babe?
I guess I won't be coming home again"
They just took away all my promises
Make them take away my pain

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride

Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door

His final scene
The actor bows
And all those years
Are gone somehow
The crowd applauds
The curtain falls


I was standing by the edge of the water
I noticed my reflection in the waves
Then I saw you looking back at me
And I knew that for a moment
You were calling out my name
You took away my hero
Will you take away my pain

Take away my pain
Let the cold inside
It's time to let it rain
There's nothing left to hide

Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
I'm learning to survive
Without you in my life
Til you come knocking at my door...

pessulum ostii aperui dilecto meo at ille declinaverat atque transierat anima mea liquefacta est ut locutus est quaesivi et non inveni illum vocavi et non respondit mihi

si inveneritis dilectum meum ut nuntietis ei quia amore langueo

et dixisti desperavi nequaquam faciam adamavi quippe alienos et post eos ambulabo

quam vilis es facta nimis iterans vias

de profundis clamo ad te Domine... !!!!!!
Ex Me Ipsa Renata Sum ... ===>

Never, ever, ever use my old URL for I have moved here, ever ever ever ever again. Please. Pretty please. The next time I click on a hyperlink, only to have it lead me to the pre history url in my browser, I am going to hunt down the author and pound them into holy oblivion. I'm not joking I will kill someone. Maybe two... Perhaps an entire company-full.

I hate you. I despise you. I wish for your sudden and excruciating death with every ounce of my being every single time I click one of your god-forsaken old pre historic hyperlinks. I will deny my self for swearing to all the Gods in all the religions, that the next time this happens to me, somebody will pay. Oh yes. Somebody will be sorry.
Please.. please... I don't wanna hurt you... !!

Save yourself! Before it's too late. Change your links soldier....
That's a direct order !!!